Well, lots has happened since I last blogged. The timeline for when JJ would be reunited with at least one of her parents didn't happen. Some choices were made by the parents and things fell through. I, knowing I got bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, planned our time to conceive so that the morning sickness wouldn't start until after JJ had left our home. Lesson learned: things can change quickly in the foster parenting world.
Sadly, JJ was around while I was feeling miserable and had very little patience. Stress increased my nausea. JJ's little games and trying to push my buttons increased my stress. I'm proud to say that I controlled myself enough to not threaten to puke on her though the thought went through my mind often.
Ironically, she left just a week-and-a-half shy of my first trimester ending. Considering she was not going to be reunited soon and the placement was turning into more of a long-term need, we asked that JJ be moved sooner than later.
Here are our main reasons:
- From very early on we could tell our home wasn't the best placement for JJ because she had always been the baby in the family and she was suddenly the older sister. Sarah is a bright two-year-old and knew more things than JJ (like her letters, shapes, colors, opposites, etc.). This seemed to discourage JJ from trying to learn these things instead of help motivate her. Also JJ would tend to copy the "baby" things that Sarah did instead of act like a 4-year-old. We kept JJ though because we were her 5th placement in 6 months and out of love for her we figured we could keep her in our home until things were figured out with her parents.
- We want to keep Sarah safe. JJ was seeming to increase her random aggression towards Sarah. She was starting to yell, "I hate you!" in Sarah's face and sort of charge at her. During those times she never harmed Sarah but the increase concerned me. She was also rough when "playing" but as an adult watching you could see JJ get this look in her eyes like she was targeting a person and then would push or knock down the child with her body. Sarah was a victim of this occasionally if we weren't able to catch JJ's intent quick enough.
Ever since July when the incident of a more sexual nature happened we have tried to keep them separated. This is a constant job. We started having Sarah go to sleep in our bed since the girls shared a room together. My desire to protect Sarah was becoming more obvious with things that were happening.
- It's the best thing for JJ. She was moved to a long-term placement with a foster parent that has had lots of experience (like 19 years). She has been described to us as a miracle worker. We figured we were basically in survival mode trying to keep JJ so she didn't move on to a bunch more placements but this switch seemed like a much better fit for JJ. We love her and want the best for her.
