Right around the time we were near the end of fostering JJ we got new neighbors. These neighbors had some life struggles. Then they got pregnant right before I gave birth to our second child.
During the mom's pregnancy I had a feeling that I would someday be caring for her daughter. It was a weird thought and didn't really seem to make sense. That would mean bad things would happen and no family for the little girl to go to before we would ever end up with her. This was not something I hoped for this family to deal with.
When I get these "feelings" that something is going to happen I store them up and ponder them in my heart. Those words come from the verse Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart." When I get those feelings there isn't much else I can do with them except store them up, ponder on them occasionally, and ask God if those are ideas from Him or from something else. I've found that often they come true and so I've learned not to ignore them.
Fast forward a year. We had both moved away and were no longer neighbors. We had kept in touch but had only talked a few times. We went to the baby's first birthday. For confidentiality I'll call her Sweet Pea. I had the same feeling again but didn't feel any sort of bond to her so again I just tucked it away and sort of talked to God about it.
Fast forward another 7 months. I just gave birth to our third child. She is 4.5-weeks-old and I get a text at 8:31am from our old neighbors, "Hey Lisa what are you doing?" I was on my way to a leadership meeting for a mommy group I was going to be a part of. I knew something was up. I started talking to God about it, "Is this going to happen now?! Seriously? What is going on?"
The leadership meeting started at 9am and I was already prayerfully seeking out if I was supposed to take on that role. I felt horribly rude having my phone out during the meeting but I knew something was up. At 9:22am, "Well we were wondering if we could acquire your and johnathans foster parenting skills services." Holy crap, God, this is really happening! This is crazy! I have a 4-week-old!!! People will think this is crazy!!! (Yes, I thought about what people would think.)
Now here is where my "feeling" from the past really played a role. I had a 4-week-old. I could have easily said, "Sorry, we just had our third kid and I don't even know how to handle this dynamic yet. We love you guys. There are lots of nice foster families. We'll pray everything works out for the best." Nope. I knew this was a role I was supposed to take on. Why, exactly, would it happen now, I had little idea. It seemed crazy. Also, we have a 2 bedroom apartment with three girls already. Four kids in a two-bedroom is not allowed for foster parent certification. I let the parents know we would be willing but that I thought social services would not allow it due to the size of our home.
That was a Wednesday. The parents said be ready to come get her that day at 1pm. Then Social Services called us around 4pm and took our information for background checks. On Thursday we were in limbo thinking that the social worker would come check our home. They never came so I assumed she was placed with a relative. I thought, "Well, God, at least I was willing. So glad I can just stick to my 3 little ones."
On Saturday we heard from parents and they thought there daughter would be with us by then. Wait, what? This is when I started feeling less sure of our willingness. I had thoughts like, "I can't even take care of my three, how can I add a fourth? This would be too hard. I can't do this!" Then Monday, the parents were supposed to hear where Sweet Pea was supposed to go. I didn't hear anything all day. On Tuesday morning my friend from church called and asked how things were going and I said I was pretty sure we weren't the home where Sweet Pea would be placed because we hadn't heard from any social workers. I was thankful and felt a pressure lifted. Then after that I realized I had missed a call from the social worker asking to inspect our home. She thought that it was a great placement and that Sweet Pea would be so cute with our house full of girls (they make exceptions for the amount of rooms as long as there is space for a bed for the child to sleep). So Tuesday evening I went and got Sweet Pea and brought her back to our home.
I comforted her to sleep with our turtle light-up night light. In the middle of the night she woke up and was sitting whimpering with her back in the corner of the bed. I was so thankful for the light up turtle to remind her where she fell asleep and it helped let me comfort her back to sleep.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Communication: Repeat After Me
We had a foster sweetie join our home at 19-months-old. She was saying a few words and a few signs. She did not have enough language to communicate clearly what she wanted or needed. Her frustration came out in lots of tantrums and aggression. We started having her watch an episode of Baby Signing Time each day and we started using signs and the words for lots of the things we were doing. She was catching on very quickly to signs since her parents had already been doing some sign language with her.
Considering her age we'd often ask her to try repeating the word and sign after we showed her. I've noticed this is something we do more often than other families. We give them the words, phrases, or sentences that they could say. Even beyond that we ask them to repeat the words after us just to let them get practice saying and hearing themselves try it. "Can you say ______________?" We do not expect instant perfection, we just like to invite them to try. Whatever phonemes/sounds that come out of their mouth, we praise them for. The praise might simply be, "Thanks for trying," or "I heard you say the _____ sound in that word." Even as I type this, I realize that we talk about sounds in words in common conversation with our kids.
One thing we for sure do to help reduce frustration is to have her ask for what she wants. We modeled, "May I please have _________?" Whatever phonetic sounds she could get out, we praised her for, "Thank you for asking for _____________. That helps us know that you want __________." It started with her being able to say something like, "Mmm please apples." Now, after 7 weeks, she can say our modeled question.
When Poema was learning to talk, we came across the book, May I Please Have a Cookie? by Jennifer Morris. In this simple reader the main character, Alfie, learns to ask politely for what he wants. We used this as a trigger to help Poema remember to ask politely by asking, "Alfie, can you think of a better way to get ___________?"
Considering her age we'd often ask her to try repeating the word and sign after we showed her. I've noticed this is something we do more often than other families. We give them the words, phrases, or sentences that they could say. Even beyond that we ask them to repeat the words after us just to let them get practice saying and hearing themselves try it. "Can you say ______________?" We do not expect instant perfection, we just like to invite them to try. Whatever phonemes/sounds that come out of their mouth, we praise them for. The praise might simply be, "Thanks for trying," or "I heard you say the _____ sound in that word." Even as I type this, I realize that we talk about sounds in words in common conversation with our kids.
One thing we for sure do to help reduce frustration is to have her ask for what she wants. We modeled, "May I please have _________?" Whatever phonetic sounds she could get out, we praised her for, "Thank you for asking for _____________. That helps us know that you want __________." It started with her being able to say something like, "Mmm please apples." Now, after 7 weeks, she can say our modeled question.
When Poema was learning to talk, we came across the book, May I Please Have a Cookie? by Jennifer Morris. In this simple reader the main character, Alfie, learns to ask politely for what he wants. We used this as a trigger to help Poema remember to ask politely by asking, "Alfie, can you think of a better way to get ___________?"
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Communication: We Talk/Read to Our Kids
We talk to our kids.
We talk to our kids a lot.
We don't use baby talk. Baby talk is beneficial because it helps kids hear phonemes, da-da, ba-ba, ma-ma, etc. We use the real words though (I think I do use a higher pitch and cutsie sing-songy speech pattern sometimes). Instead when my babies and me are just hanging out, often at the changing table, I go through the alphabet phonetically: a-a, b-b, c-c, etc. So instead of saying the letter, I say the sound twice. Then they get the same benefit as if we used baby talk but slightly more because I go through all the basic sounds. I remember someone talking baby talk to Poema and she corrected them with the real word, that was funny for me.
We describe what is happening to them or what is about to happen. Initially this was not natural with Sarah and me. The first month of her life I would mostly just say, "Hi," to her. It took me a lot of practice and feeling awkward. I was better with Poema, and even got mocked by strangers. Once I was in line at the bank and Poema was less than 6-months-old and I was telling her that I was going to deposit money at the bank and we were waiting in line to give our check to the teller. An older gentleman in line next to me said, "Do you really think she understands you?" Well, she'll understand me much sooner than if I don't talk to her. With Joy as a newborn I tell her what is happening to her as it happens. At the changing table: "You are going pee right now. Mommy is going to dry you off and change your wet onesie."
We talk to our kids using large vocabulary words that many parents don't use with their kids because they think they won't understand. We just try to help them understand using other words they know. We don't expect them to learn or use every word but we are surprised how many of the words they do remember and use.
Example 1: Instead of just labeling a dog, "Dog," we'll say, "That's a poodle. It's a type of dog."
Example 2: Just yesterday I was in the bathroom with Poema (2 years 2 months old) and the toilet flushed automatically as she got down off of it and it surprised her and so I said, "The toilet flushes automatically. Did that surprise you? Automatically means it does it by itself. We didn't need to push a button. It flushed automatically. Sometimes there are doors to stores that open automatically." I'm giving her words for what she experiences and using the new word a few times so she hears it. It also helped that when we washed our hands the sink was automatic and the paper towel dispenser was also so I got to use the word many more times.
We started having Poema listen to Magic Tree House audio books when she goes to rest time. This was something I did with Sarah around the same age and it happened not purposefully but we saw such benefits we are trying it with Poema. I say it wasn't purposeful because we got a Magic Tree House CD from a Wendy's kid's meal (which I usually don't buy because I'm cheap) and just wanted her to rest one day when she wasn't in the mood so I put the CD on. She kept asking to listen to it each day so we downloaded more of the stories. One day she came out from rest time and asked me what a "precipice" was. I was confused at first forgetting that she heard it from the audio book and asked her how she heard the word. She told me the context and I asked her what she thought it meant and then defined the word. One day I asked her if she wanted me to play a new story for rest time and Sarah said, "No, I haven't learned all the words yet."
We also read to our kids. We start when they are babies. Jonathan is great at reading aloud to our girls even when they are just newborns. It helps them bond with him and they like his voice.
We talk to our kids a lot.
We don't use baby talk. Baby talk is beneficial because it helps kids hear phonemes, da-da, ba-ba, ma-ma, etc. We use the real words though (I think I do use a higher pitch and cutsie sing-songy speech pattern sometimes). Instead when my babies and me are just hanging out, often at the changing table, I go through the alphabet phonetically: a-a, b-b, c-c, etc. So instead of saying the letter, I say the sound twice. Then they get the same benefit as if we used baby talk but slightly more because I go through all the basic sounds. I remember someone talking baby talk to Poema and she corrected them with the real word, that was funny for me.
We describe what is happening to them or what is about to happen. Initially this was not natural with Sarah and me. The first month of her life I would mostly just say, "Hi," to her. It took me a lot of practice and feeling awkward. I was better with Poema, and even got mocked by strangers. Once I was in line at the bank and Poema was less than 6-months-old and I was telling her that I was going to deposit money at the bank and we were waiting in line to give our check to the teller. An older gentleman in line next to me said, "Do you really think she understands you?" Well, she'll understand me much sooner than if I don't talk to her. With Joy as a newborn I tell her what is happening to her as it happens. At the changing table: "You are going pee right now. Mommy is going to dry you off and change your wet onesie."
We talk to our kids using large vocabulary words that many parents don't use with their kids because they think they won't understand. We just try to help them understand using other words they know. We don't expect them to learn or use every word but we are surprised how many of the words they do remember and use.
Example 1: Instead of just labeling a dog, "Dog," we'll say, "That's a poodle. It's a type of dog."
Example 2: Just yesterday I was in the bathroom with Poema (2 years 2 months old) and the toilet flushed automatically as she got down off of it and it surprised her and so I said, "The toilet flushes automatically. Did that surprise you? Automatically means it does it by itself. We didn't need to push a button. It flushed automatically. Sometimes there are doors to stores that open automatically." I'm giving her words for what she experiences and using the new word a few times so she hears it. It also helped that when we washed our hands the sink was automatic and the paper towel dispenser was also so I got to use the word many more times.
We started having Poema listen to Magic Tree House audio books when she goes to rest time. This was something I did with Sarah around the same age and it happened not purposefully but we saw such benefits we are trying it with Poema. I say it wasn't purposeful because we got a Magic Tree House CD from a Wendy's kid's meal (which I usually don't buy because I'm cheap) and just wanted her to rest one day when she wasn't in the mood so I put the CD on. She kept asking to listen to it each day so we downloaded more of the stories. One day she came out from rest time and asked me what a "precipice" was. I was confused at first forgetting that she heard it from the audio book and asked her how she heard the word. She told me the context and I asked her what she thought it meant and then defined the word. One day I asked her if she wanted me to play a new story for rest time and Sarah said, "No, I haven't learned all the words yet."
We also read to our kids. We start when they are babies. Jonathan is great at reading aloud to our girls even when they are just newborns. It helps them bond with him and they like his voice.
Jonathan with Sarah and a classic.
Jonathan with Poema.
Jonathan with Joy. Well, this isn't an action shot but he has read to Joy. :)
We are also lucky to have extended family that talk with our kids about the world. They also read with the girls.
Mainly, we've learned not to underestimate our kids. We've tried things with our kids that people thought were not going to work and our kids went above and beyond what we even imagined they could do. We try to do everything in a fun, natural way. It does help that Jonathan and I like words and like to learn so we model that more naturally than others might but like me and learning to talk to my babies, it just takes practice.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Communication: The Chin Hickey
I just gave birth to our third little girl, Joy.
We have two other girls that are so fun and smart. They are often complimented for being able to communicate so well. People ask my husband and I what we do to help them communicate. Our best answer has been that we talk to them and do sign language when they're babies. Our girls just keep surprising us and I don't really know how much credit should be given to us.
Two days after our third daughter was born I was reminded of the first form of communication that my babies have had with me . . . they suck on my chin when they want milk. I think it is a nature thing, they are just rooting for food and my chin is a size they can latch on to.
When she is hungry and I'm in the process of getting to a place where we can nurse, you know that minute when you are going to sit down etc., I move my chin so she can reach it and say, "You want milk? Good job telling mommy you want milk." By 4 or 5 days old, Joy and I have this communication. Maybe it's my imagination but she seems to calm down some when I say that. I also tend to get just the hint of a chin hickey.
I realized this first form of communication and had the idea that I'll just document the communication and random educational things that we do with Joy just so anyone that is interested can get a better answer than, "We talk to them." :-) I'm not claiming to be an expert or that we have the only way or a right way . . . this is just what we do. We like to try things and we pick up things that we see others do and integrate them into our life. Joy is our third experiment. Let's see how things go. :-)
We have two other girls that are so fun and smart. They are often complimented for being able to communicate so well. People ask my husband and I what we do to help them communicate. Our best answer has been that we talk to them and do sign language when they're babies. Our girls just keep surprising us and I don't really know how much credit should be given to us.
Two days after our third daughter was born I was reminded of the first form of communication that my babies have had with me . . . they suck on my chin when they want milk. I think it is a nature thing, they are just rooting for food and my chin is a size they can latch on to.
When she is hungry and I'm in the process of getting to a place where we can nurse, you know that minute when you are going to sit down etc., I move my chin so she can reach it and say, "You want milk? Good job telling mommy you want milk." By 4 or 5 days old, Joy and I have this communication. Maybe it's my imagination but she seems to calm down some when I say that. I also tend to get just the hint of a chin hickey.
I realized this first form of communication and had the idea that I'll just document the communication and random educational things that we do with Joy just so anyone that is interested can get a better answer than, "We talk to them." :-) I'm not claiming to be an expert or that we have the only way or a right way . . . this is just what we do. We like to try things and we pick up things that we see others do and integrate them into our life. Joy is our third experiment. Let's see how things go. :-)
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