Modeling God's Love and Discipline

Husband and Daddy here again:

Let's start this off with a few things that I have learned to strive for in my parenting:

(1) My children to see a model of God's love and discipline through my actions and words.
(2) To be filled with grace and truth and have the wisdom to know which to use and when.
(3) My actions and words to be so much like God's that the more they are drawn to my love, the more they are drawn to his.

This has led to a few Ah-Ha truths.

(1) Some instances require truth and discipline, while others require grace and talking.
(2) With all instances, the goal is to get the child to open up her heart and emotions and even talk about it. This is much more likely to happen when circumstances are handled with complete grace and nothing that JJ might see as punishment.
(3) JJ will do things because she believes something false about herself, and any discipline she receives for that behavior only reinforces in her brain that the falsehood is once again true. This cycle must be broken creatively, firmly, and lovingly.
(4) JJ's discipline and Sarah's discipline might look different and that's still fair. After all, God's word says to "train a child in the way SHE should go, and when she is old, she will not depart from it." There will be times when the fairest discipline might mean different consequences. It might even look like JJ getting grace and Sarah getting truth.

Their hearts are the goal. I want to model that with my heart and lead them into their own. I can't do that unless I love them like God does. And here's the really sucky part: some people still don't let God into their hearts. Translation: even if I love them like God loves us, they still might not let me in.

All I can do is try.

Sincerely,
More selfish than he realized.

The Holy Spirit

Like Lisa, I (husband and daddy) have been on a journey of learning to love. It ain't natural for me. I'm continuously amazed at how much God loves the unlovables of the world, those people that can be so difficult to love that the rest of humanity gives up on them. These are the ones who often aren't able to love back, but deep down, they're the ones who need it the most. And they sabotage themselves. They are their own worst enemy.

But the more I push myself to love, the more my heart actually loves. It's amazing. And I've been learning to pray for her. Honest, heartfelt, loving prayer.

JJ had a great day that finished terribly. She went completely Bombaloo. Later, when she was lying in bed and our bio-daughter was watching her sight words video before bed, I was staring at the bedroom monitor and began praying for Jenna. Halfway through my prayer, I really wanted to hear from God, so I asked him to manifest himself.

JJ had worked herself up and was 3/4 of the way down her bed, lying sideways beside her comforter, pillows on the floor, bedsheet crumpled up. I prayed that God's Spirit would come down on her and give her peace, that she would feel safety and love and pride and belonging. Then I asked God to show me proof of her feeling his peace.

"God," I asked, "if she's feeling your peace, have her roll toward the monitor and relax her propped-up knees. God give her peace, give her peace." A moment later, she rolled over and relaxed.

"God, help her to feel how much we love her, complete and unconditional love, safety, care. And when your Spirit is coming down on her, have her say, 'I love you, Jonathan.'" In a breathy solid voice, she said, "I love you, Jonathan."

"God, help her to feel how much we love her, complete and unconditional love, safety, care. And when your Spirit is coming down on her, have her say, 'I love you, Lisa.'" In a breathy solid voice, she said, "I love you, Lisa."

Then once more I prayed that she feel complete peace and belonging and home. I asked God that when his Spirit brings that on her that she would roll on her side and put her knees down again and go to sleep. She did all of it.

I couldn't believe it. I just wanted to keep praying for her. Very few times in my life has God's presence and activity manifested itself so vividly and immediately.

May he get all the glory through our lives and love.

It's About Time!

I (finally) got a call today from the place where JJ will get therapy.  Apparently she got lost in the system somehow.  I look forward to tomorrow when we will meet the therapist (yeah) and I will be filling out paperwork (bummer).  The social worker shared the irony that she has another child that doesn't totally need therapy and it only took 2 weeks to process and the request for JJ took 2 months and she really needs it.

Ah . . . I know it won't work miracles but I hope it will help us learn about the real JJ and get past the protective barrier she has put up.

A Lesson in Love - Modeled By a 1-Year-Old

We were at Papa and Nana's house doing laundry. JJ had cracker's from her sacklunch from preschool. She was taunting Sarah saying, "Here you want one," and then eating it. I let this happen a few times and watched how Sarah handled it. She was getting confused, frustrated, and started to whimper.

I explained to JJ that if she was offering Sarah a cracker she, then, must give her one because it is mean to only offer and then not share. JJ started sharing some of her crackers. When there were only two crackers left, she once again offered and then this time slowly ate it in front of Sarah. It was basically evil. Sarah started crying.

I was quite angry but decided to just see if I could find any crackers to give Sarah. I gave her two crackers and almost instantly, with tears still in her eyes, she turned and handed JJ one of the two crackers.

Fun Moments

I've realized that my other posts have been real negatives. There is joy and laughter still in our home.


We had a dance party.

We showed The Sneeze: How Germs are Spread video to help them understand germs and now they sing the song and say good-bye to germs as they wash their hands. It's cute and funny.



I bought clothes with JJ and she actually wears them (the Hello Kitty shirt was a real winner).

We were talking about friends and JJ (4) turned to Sarah (almost 2) and said, "Sarah, you my best friend?" I can't remember what Sarah said in response but the realization that Sarah probably was JJ's only real friend right now showed a tender moment of reality for me.

This Too Shall Pass

I've found peace in reminding myself that "This too shall pass."  With both my girls (but mostly JJ) there are actions and struggles (peeing pants, purposeful falling for attention, etc.) that I do not enjoy dealing with.  The realization that they are kids and have a lot of growing to do.  Just because something happens frequently now, doesn't mean they will grow up and still do those things.  My fear behind the emotions rising within me in those moments is based either on worrying about what others might be thinking (ew, your kids smell and are misbehaving, you are not a good parent) or an (irrational) fear that they will never grow out of this phase and it will affect their ability to have a happy, emotionally stable life.

My girls are smart and very capable.  They will learn with practice and this too shall pass.

I Smell Urine All Around Me . . . but it's not me

I found a post that pointed out the not "normal" smell although I remember reading one that actually said it was a "pee" smell even though bladder control wasn't an issue as much anymore.