We had a baby in early June. Her name is Poema. She is beautiful!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Pancake Breakfast
Every Christmas our church hosts a pancake breakfast for all the foster families that are part of the foster agency we are with. Before we became foster parents we served and helped out. Last year we went as a certified foster family even though we hadn't had any children in our home yet. This year was special. It was like a well-timed reunion for us to see JJ again. She has been placed in a home that is still with our foster agency. It has been a month, today, since JJ moved.
We prepared Sarah with the possibility that she would get to see JJ. Sarah spotted JJ before we even pointed her out. The girls were both hugging and saying, "My sister is here!" I really enjoyed watching how JJ's new foster "granny" (that's what she has JJ call her) handles JJ. She was the same JJ we remember and she seemed happy.
It was also nice to get to see JJ's brother and his caretaker and we also got to see JJ's mom because it was during her visitation hours. When JJ's mom walked up, the girls were decorating gingerbread cookies next to each other. Sarah turned and saw JJ's mom behind her. She turned back to me and with pure joy and excitement exclaimed, "She made it safe!" I almost burst into tears right there. I was not expecting my almost 2.5-year-old to process that kind of thinking so quickly and there was so much love and joy that oozed from her in that moment.
Let me explain.
We told Sarah two reasons for why JJ was moving:
#1 Our job as parents is to keep our kids safe and Sarah is our biological child and we need to keep her safe. JJ was doing things that were not safe to Sarah. Our example that we knew Sarah would remember was when JJ shoved her down at the baseball game and Jonathan thought maybe Sarah's arm got broken because of how and where she fell. We just choose the one example for Sarah.
#2 We were having JJ live in our home while her parents were given time to make good choices and make it safe for JJ to live with them again. Sadly, JJ's parents didn't make it safe and so JJ is going to live with someone that she can stay with for a long time.
SO, "safe" was a word we used a lot with the girls in regards to parents. Sarah seeing JJ's mom there assumed that meant she had made it safe and that's why she could see JJ again. She was so happy for JJ and her mom. Considering Sarah is just two-years-old, I didn't get into explaining parental rights and visitation. I just let her enjoy that moment and let her think whatever her little happy brain was thinking. That moment replayed in my mind throughout the day though.
We prepared Sarah with the possibility that she would get to see JJ. Sarah spotted JJ before we even pointed her out. The girls were both hugging and saying, "My sister is here!" I really enjoyed watching how JJ's new foster "granny" (that's what she has JJ call her) handles JJ. She was the same JJ we remember and she seemed happy.
It was also nice to get to see JJ's brother and his caretaker and we also got to see JJ's mom because it was during her visitation hours. When JJ's mom walked up, the girls were decorating gingerbread cookies next to each other. Sarah turned and saw JJ's mom behind her. She turned back to me and with pure joy and excitement exclaimed, "She made it safe!" I almost burst into tears right there. I was not expecting my almost 2.5-year-old to process that kind of thinking so quickly and there was so much love and joy that oozed from her in that moment.
Let me explain.
We told Sarah two reasons for why JJ was moving:
#1 Our job as parents is to keep our kids safe and Sarah is our biological child and we need to keep her safe. JJ was doing things that were not safe to Sarah. Our example that we knew Sarah would remember was when JJ shoved her down at the baseball game and Jonathan thought maybe Sarah's arm got broken because of how and where she fell. We just choose the one example for Sarah.
#2 We were having JJ live in our home while her parents were given time to make good choices and make it safe for JJ to live with them again. Sadly, JJ's parents didn't make it safe and so JJ is going to live with someone that she can stay with for a long time.
SO, "safe" was a word we used a lot with the girls in regards to parents. Sarah seeing JJ's mom there assumed that meant she had made it safe and that's why she could see JJ again. She was so happy for JJ and her mom. Considering Sarah is just two-years-old, I didn't get into explaining parental rights and visitation. I just let her enjoy that moment and let her think whatever her little happy brain was thinking. That moment replayed in my mind throughout the day though.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Depraved Indifference
Just a little something I want to watch occasionally to give me a reboot when needed.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Lots Has Happened
Well, lots has happened since I last blogged. The timeline for when JJ would be reunited with at least one of her parents didn't happen. Some choices were made by the parents and things fell through. I, knowing I got bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, planned our time to conceive so that the morning sickness wouldn't start until after JJ had left our home. Lesson learned: things can change quickly in the foster parenting world.
Sadly, JJ was around while I was feeling miserable and had very little patience. Stress increased my nausea. JJ's little games and trying to push my buttons increased my stress. I'm proud to say that I controlled myself enough to not threaten to puke on her though the thought went through my mind often.
Ironically, she left just a week-and-a-half shy of my first trimester ending. Considering she was not going to be reunited soon and the placement was turning into more of a long-term need, we asked that JJ be moved sooner than later.
Here are our main reasons:
- From very early on we could tell our home wasn't the best placement for JJ because she had always been the baby in the family and she was suddenly the older sister. Sarah is a bright two-year-old and knew more things than JJ (like her letters, shapes, colors, opposites, etc.). This seemed to discourage JJ from trying to learn these things instead of help motivate her. Also JJ would tend to copy the "baby" things that Sarah did instead of act like a 4-year-old. We kept JJ though because we were her 5th placement in 6 months and out of love for her we figured we could keep her in our home until things were figured out with her parents.
- We want to keep Sarah safe. JJ was seeming to increase her random aggression towards Sarah. She was starting to yell, "I hate you!" in Sarah's face and sort of charge at her. During those times she never harmed Sarah but the increase concerned me. She was also rough when "playing" but as an adult watching you could see JJ get this look in her eyes like she was targeting a person and then would push or knock down the child with her body. Sarah was a victim of this occasionally if we weren't able to catch JJ's intent quick enough.
Ever since July when the incident of a more sexual nature happened we have tried to keep them separated. This is a constant job. We started having Sarah go to sleep in our bed since the girls shared a room together. My desire to protect Sarah was becoming more obvious with things that were happening.
- It's the best thing for JJ. She was moved to a long-term placement with a foster parent that has had lots of experience (like 19 years). She has been described to us as a miracle worker. We figured we were basically in survival mode trying to keep JJ so she didn't move on to a bunch more placements but this switch seemed like a much better fit for JJ. We love her and want the best for her.
Sadly, JJ was around while I was feeling miserable and had very little patience. Stress increased my nausea. JJ's little games and trying to push my buttons increased my stress. I'm proud to say that I controlled myself enough to not threaten to puke on her though the thought went through my mind often.
Ironically, she left just a week-and-a-half shy of my first trimester ending. Considering she was not going to be reunited soon and the placement was turning into more of a long-term need, we asked that JJ be moved sooner than later.
Here are our main reasons:
- From very early on we could tell our home wasn't the best placement for JJ because she had always been the baby in the family and she was suddenly the older sister. Sarah is a bright two-year-old and knew more things than JJ (like her letters, shapes, colors, opposites, etc.). This seemed to discourage JJ from trying to learn these things instead of help motivate her. Also JJ would tend to copy the "baby" things that Sarah did instead of act like a 4-year-old. We kept JJ though because we were her 5th placement in 6 months and out of love for her we figured we could keep her in our home until things were figured out with her parents.
- We want to keep Sarah safe. JJ was seeming to increase her random aggression towards Sarah. She was starting to yell, "I hate you!" in Sarah's face and sort of charge at her. During those times she never harmed Sarah but the increase concerned me. She was also rough when "playing" but as an adult watching you could see JJ get this look in her eyes like she was targeting a person and then would push or knock down the child with her body. Sarah was a victim of this occasionally if we weren't able to catch JJ's intent quick enough.
Ever since July when the incident of a more sexual nature happened we have tried to keep them separated. This is a constant job. We started having Sarah go to sleep in our bed since the girls shared a room together. My desire to protect Sarah was becoming more obvious with things that were happening.
- It's the best thing for JJ. She was moved to a long-term placement with a foster parent that has had lots of experience (like 19 years). She has been described to us as a miracle worker. We figured we were basically in survival mode trying to keep JJ so she didn't move on to a bunch more placements but this switch seemed like a much better fit for JJ. We love her and want the best for her.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The Time Has Come
We are pregnant. Some people don't like to tell when it is still early on. We figure if something goes wrong with the pregnancy we want people to journey with us through that, so we might as well tell now.
We had planned it based on the timing plan the social workers had told us a month or two ago with when JJ would be leaving our home. This last month things have not gone as hoped with her parents and so JJ is still with us.
We had planned it based on the timing plan the social workers had told us a month or two ago with when JJ would be leaving our home. This last month things have not gone as hoped with her parents and so JJ is still with us.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
"I Don't Like God!"
JJ: "What are we doing today?"
Lisa: "We are going to church."
JJ: "I don't want to go to church. I don't like God."
Lisa: "Why don't you like God?"
JJ: "Because he took my daddy away."
We explained that God didn't take her daddy away. Her daddy and mommy's choices made it so she couldn't be with them right now. We also explained that God told us to take care of her because He loves her and He wants her to have a daddy and a mommy.
We talked about more but those were some of the bigger points. This is getting really sad to watch things crumble away for this little girl.
Lisa: "We are going to church."
JJ: "I don't want to go to church. I don't like God."
Lisa: "Why don't you like God?"
JJ: "Because he took my daddy away."
We explained that God didn't take her daddy away. Her daddy and mommy's choices made it so she couldn't be with them right now. We also explained that God told us to take care of her because He loves her and He wants her to have a daddy and a mommy.
We talked about more but those were some of the bigger points. This is getting really sad to watch things crumble away for this little girl.
Cinderella?
We were listening to this song "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman and thinking about our bio daughter and how little time we have to enjoy her before she's gone to make her own family. For now, she's my little Cinderella that Daddy's going to cherish and love until she gets her own man to cherish and respect her.
Then we thought about JJ.
Unless a miracle happens in her parents, she's going to need a permanent placement. And I'm thinking about all the songs and dances he doesn't want to have with her. She isn't going to get those. And will she even be given the chance to end up as someone's pure Cinderella?
Then we thought about JJ.
Unless a miracle happens in her parents, she's going to need a permanent placement. And I'm thinking about all the songs and dances he doesn't want to have with her. She isn't going to get those. And will she even be given the chance to end up as someone's pure Cinderella?
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