Just Another Day . . .

I've had a playdate outing planned for about three weeks. I really wanted to get together with this mommy who had purchased the same Pump-It-Up GroupOn passes that I had. The previous night I invited a mommy from life group to join us to play and I took out my wallet to give her a pass.

This morning seemed fine. I fed Poema and seemed to be getting ready at a good pace. I needed to give Poema her medicine, change her diaper, pack a lunch, and make sure Sarah was all ready. Sarah is 3 now. She likes to do her own thing, which is my nice way of saying she chooses not to listen often lately. I changed Poema's diaper and then did medicine. She was content watching the mobile as I brushed Sarah's teeth and hair. Poema was so relaxed that she loaded her diaper again. I was finally able to finish packing the lunch but by that time I was already 18 minutes late.

I'm always late. I feel inept at getting out the door on time. It feels like no matter what I do, some variable will throw me off and I will be late.

The location of the playdate would take 3-10 minutes to get to depending on traffic lights. We walk down the stairs to the car and as the automatic sliding doors of the van open I notice that Poema's carseat is not in the car. Until this point I had forgotten that I transferred the carseat into Jonathan's car the night before when he was watching only Poema and I was taking Sarah on a Mommy/Sarah date.

I called the ladies to let them know I was stuck home. My life group friend said she had an infant carseat and was not yet at Pump-It-Up so she could get it from storage and bring it to my house. She arrived at my place and installed the carseat. Poema normally screams bloody murder in her carseat and she was quite happy as I strapped her in. I leaned in to give her a kiss as I finished tightening everything. As I pulled away I noticed a spider crawling down the carseat towards Poema. I bare-handed squashed it and protected my child :~).

We proceeded to drive to our playdate and were only an hour late. As I went to get the girls out of the car I realized I left my wallet at home because I never put it back where it belonged after giving the pass to my life group friend. I left Sarah with my friend and drove back to get my wallet. I returned 20 minutes later with the wallet that had Sarah's entrance pass.

The playdate was fun.

Before we left I opened all the car doors and windows so there would be a breeze as I changed Poema's diaper in the backseat of the van. As I went in reverse after everyone was all buckled in, I noticed that the door ajar symbol was lit up on my dashboard. I tried to close the two front doors and I realized I was starting to drive away with the back hatch open on the car. I was surprised that nothing fell out as I had started to drive.

How do people survive with lots of children. This is insane. I'd like to say that these types of things are not normal but I'm starting to notice how frequently these things tend to occur. *Sigh*

Tomorrow is another day . . .

Baby #2

We had a baby in early June. Her name is Poema. She is beautiful!

Pancake Breakfast

Every Christmas our church hosts a pancake breakfast for all the foster families that are part of the foster agency we are with. Before we became foster parents we served and helped out. Last year we went as a certified foster family even though we hadn't had any children in our home yet. This year was special. It was like a well-timed reunion for us to see JJ again. She has been placed in a home that is still with our foster agency. It has been a month, today, since JJ moved.

We prepared Sarah with the possibility that she would get to see JJ. Sarah spotted JJ before we even pointed her out. The girls were both hugging and saying, "My sister is here!" I really enjoyed watching how JJ's new foster "granny" (that's what she has JJ call her) handles JJ. She was the same JJ we remember and she seemed happy.

It was also nice to get to see JJ's brother and his caretaker and we also got to see JJ's mom because it was during her visitation hours. When JJ's mom walked up, the girls were decorating gingerbread cookies next to each other. Sarah turned and saw JJ's mom behind her. She turned back to me and with pure joy and excitement exclaimed, "She made it safe!" I almost burst into tears right there. I was not expecting my almost 2.5-year-old to process that kind of thinking so quickly and there was so much love and joy that oozed from her in that moment.

Let me explain.
We told Sarah two reasons for why JJ was moving:
#1 Our job as parents is to keep our kids safe and Sarah is our biological child and we need to keep her safe. JJ was doing things that were not safe to Sarah. Our example that we knew Sarah would remember was when JJ shoved her down at the baseball game and Jonathan thought maybe Sarah's arm got broken because of how and where she fell. We just choose the one example for Sarah.
#2 We were having JJ live in our home while her parents were given time to make good choices and make it safe for JJ to live with them again. Sadly, JJ's parents didn't make it safe and so JJ is going to live with someone that she can stay with for a long time.

SO, "safe" was a word we used a lot with the girls in regards to parents. Sarah seeing JJ's mom there assumed that meant she had made it safe and that's why she could see JJ again. She was so happy for JJ and her mom. Considering Sarah is just two-years-old, I didn't get into explaining parental rights and visitation. I just let her enjoy that moment and let her think whatever her little happy brain was thinking. That moment replayed in my mind throughout the day though.

Depraved Indifference

Just a little something I want to watch occasionally to give me a reboot when needed.

Lots Has Happened

Well, lots has happened since I last blogged. The timeline for when JJ would be reunited with at least one of her parents didn't happen. Some choices were made by the parents and things fell through. I, knowing I got bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, planned our time to conceive so that the morning sickness wouldn't start until after JJ had left our home. Lesson learned: things can change quickly in the foster parenting world.

Sadly, JJ was around while I was feeling miserable and had very little patience. Stress increased my nausea. JJ's little games and trying to push my buttons increased my stress. I'm proud to say that I controlled myself enough to not threaten to puke on her though the thought went through my mind often.

Ironically, she left just a week-and-a-half shy of my first trimester ending. Considering she was not going to be reunited soon and the placement was turning into more of a long-term need, we asked that JJ be moved sooner than later.

Here are our main reasons:
- From very early on we could tell our home wasn't the best placement for JJ because she had always been the baby in the family and she was suddenly the older sister. Sarah is a bright two-year-old and knew more things than JJ (like her letters, shapes, colors, opposites, etc.). This seemed to discourage JJ from trying to learn these things instead of help motivate her. Also JJ would tend to copy the "baby" things that Sarah did instead of act like a 4-year-old. We kept JJ though because we were her 5th placement in 6 months and out of love for her we figured we could keep her in our home until things were figured out with her parents.

- We want to keep Sarah safe. JJ was seeming to increase her random aggression towards Sarah. She was starting to yell, "I hate you!" in Sarah's face and sort of charge at her. During those times she never harmed Sarah but the increase concerned me. She was also rough when "playing" but as an adult watching you could see JJ get this look in her eyes like she was targeting a person and then would push or knock down the child with her body. Sarah was a victim of this occasionally if we weren't able to catch JJ's intent quick enough.
Ever since July when the incident of a more sexual nature happened we have tried to keep them separated. This is a constant job. We started having Sarah go to sleep in our bed since the girls shared a room together. My desire to protect Sarah was becoming more obvious with things that were happening.

- It's the best thing for JJ. She was moved to a long-term placement with a foster parent that has had lots of experience (like 19 years). She has been described to us as a miracle worker. We figured we were basically in survival mode trying to keep JJ so she didn't move on to a bunch more placements but this switch seemed like a much better fit for JJ. We love her and want the best for her.

The Time Has Come

We are pregnant. Some people don't like to tell when it is still early on. We figure if something goes wrong with the pregnancy we want people to journey with us through that, so we might as well tell now.

We had planned it based on the timing plan the social workers had told us a month or two ago with when JJ would be leaving our home.  This last month things have not gone as hoped with her parents and so JJ is still with us. 

"I Don't Like God!"

JJ: "What are we doing today?"
Lisa: "We are going to church."
JJ: "I don't want to go to church.  I don't like God."
Lisa: "Why don't you like God?"
JJ: "Because he took my daddy away."

We explained that God didn't take her daddy away.  Her daddy and mommy's choices made it so she couldn't be with them right now.  We also explained that God told us to take care of her because He loves her and He wants her to have a daddy and a mommy.

We talked about more but those were some of the bigger points.  This is getting really sad to watch things crumble away for this little girl.