- you pull all your sheets off your bed when we ask you to make it
- you kick or put your feet on the back of our seat in the car
- you lie to us
- you yell, "I hate you!"
- you turn the lights on and off
- you slam the door
- you push the table away (into others) when you are unhappy
- you pee on the carpet
- you smear feces on the wall
- you pull all of our books off the shelf
- you cough and sneeze in our face
- you kick the wall
- you go slow just to make us late
- Sarah starts copying you
- Sarah starts slurring her words
- Sarah adds "y" to the end of all her nouns (drinky, shirty, etc)
- Sarah starts using inappropriate language
Saturday, May 22, 2010
We Will Love You Even If
We Will Love You Even If:
Friday, May 14, 2010
Meeting JJ
One Wednesday, I went to my mommy group at church. That week I had been fighting the urge to call the FFA to see if they remembered us. As I was sitting listening to the speaker my mind took a tangent and I continued my conversation with God about waiting to be foster parents and why the wait. I thought of the restrictions that I had given about what age girl we would take - 4 to 7-years-old. The reasons I said those ages were: I didn't want someone too old sharing a room with Sarah (safety concern), I didn't want to deal with all the time requirements of a baby, I didn't want to worry too much with potty training or have two kids in diapers, and I liked the idea of having a kid that gets to go to school. Most of the reasons were for pure easiness. I wanted to choose what seemed easiest knowing that things would be tricky to begin with. I wanted some control and wanted the least amount of fears involved. I made the decision to talk to Jonathan (my hubby) about telling the FFA we would take babies - 7. I let go of the control I wanted to have and decided I needed to trust God knowing that whatever child we find ourselves living with it will be by His grace, wisdom, and strength that we will get through (not because I found the easiest way). I, then, refocused on the speaker :~).
As I was driving home from the mommy group, I got a call from our FFA saying they had a girl that they thought would be a good match. That placement fell through but the placement worker still came out and met me and saw our apartment. That requirement was completed so they wouldn't need to do that step if there was another child that they wanted to place with us. The placement worker asked me about if I would be willing to take younger kids and possibly a boy 3 or younger. I said I would be willing.
The next week we were called to see if we would meet a 3 (almost 4)-year-old JJ and take her by the end of the week. We met her at a mall with a social worker. She was beautiful and tall for her age (which we actually didn't know her age at the time because there was some confusion about that). Her biracial (European and African) curly hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She already started calling Jonathan, "Daddy." This was interesting to note because from our understanding she didn't know why we were meeting her. We later found out she uses the terms Daddy and Mommy with many people.
We agreed to take JJ. I researched haircare and prepared ourselves and Sarah for the new edition. She came 2 days later.
As I was driving home from the mommy group, I got a call from our FFA saying they had a girl that they thought would be a good match. That placement fell through but the placement worker still came out and met me and saw our apartment. That requirement was completed so they wouldn't need to do that step if there was another child that they wanted to place with us. The placement worker asked me about if I would be willing to take younger kids and possibly a boy 3 or younger. I said I would be willing.
The next week we were called to see if we would meet a 3 (almost 4)-year-old JJ and take her by the end of the week. We met her at a mall with a social worker. She was beautiful and tall for her age (which we actually didn't know her age at the time because there was some confusion about that). Her biracial (European and African) curly hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She already started calling Jonathan, "Daddy." This was interesting to note because from our understanding she didn't know why we were meeting her. We later found out she uses the terms Daddy and Mommy with many people.
We agreed to take JJ. I researched haircare and prepared ourselves and Sarah for the new edition. She came 2 days later.
Training and then Waiting
I quite enjoyed our training. The owner of our FFA (he runs the place, do FFAs have owners?) came to our house once a week (maybe once every two weeks) for a few months and went over packets of information and discussed required audio and video homework. We really felt comfortable with him and trusted his insight into what type of family we were and what kids might be a good match for us.
We got our apartment fixed-up to meet requirements and filled out all the paperwork. We became certified in October. Then we waited. We knew that if we didn't get a little girl before the beginning of November they wouldn't place anyone with us until we returned from our trip to South Africa over Christmas and the New Year.
We came back from our trip and waited. I was tempted to call the agency and let them know we were home now and available. I knew they knew though. I practiced patience and enjoyed my time with Sarah. As the waiting went on I realized how much I enjoyed my one-on-one time with Sarah and started to pray more specifically for the changes that would occur when someone else joined our family and that we both would be prepared.
I started to only randomly think about the possibility that at any moment we could be called and our life would be turned upside down. It was no longer in the forefront of my mind like it was right after we were certified.
I found it interesting which of our acquaintances would remember and ask us if we were still going to foster. Some people were really concerned about Sarah's safety and questioned our thoughtfulness towards her in our decision making. Jonathan and I discussed many times our concerns for Sarah and how it would affect her. Anytime I started to become anxious I would left those thoughts to God and continually received a peace in our decision and yet a realistic understanding that this wasn't going to be easy and that Sarah would definitely be affect but hopefully for the better.
We got our apartment fixed-up to meet requirements and filled out all the paperwork. We became certified in October. Then we waited. We knew that if we didn't get a little girl before the beginning of November they wouldn't place anyone with us until we returned from our trip to South Africa over Christmas and the New Year.
We came back from our trip and waited. I was tempted to call the agency and let them know we were home now and available. I knew they knew though. I practiced patience and enjoyed my time with Sarah. As the waiting went on I realized how much I enjoyed my one-on-one time with Sarah and started to pray more specifically for the changes that would occur when someone else joined our family and that we both would be prepared.
I started to only randomly think about the possibility that at any moment we could be called and our life would be turned upside down. It was no longer in the forefront of my mind like it was right after we were certified.
I found it interesting which of our acquaintances would remember and ask us if we were still going to foster. Some people were really concerned about Sarah's safety and questioned our thoughtfulness towards her in our decision making. Jonathan and I discussed many times our concerns for Sarah and how it would affect her. Anytime I started to become anxious I would left those thoughts to God and continually received a peace in our decision and yet a realistic understanding that this wasn't going to be easy and that Sarah would definitely be affect but hopefully for the better.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Our Journey to Foster Parenting
It all began, from what I remember, during my second full-time year of teaching back in fall 2004 when I had "that student" in my class. "Oh, that student," as teachers would say, means one of those students that is known for their behavior issues and most teachers dread having them in their class because of all the extra classroom management issues that will arise. I'll admit that one semester of teaching was my most challenging and yet most memorable. My classroom management skills were so refined by the end of that semester it was so helpful for future years.
One of my big motivations/realizations as a teacher was that for a whole school year I was a constant in 20 students lives. I had no control of their homelife but I knew that I could possibly be their refuge away from home and a place to thrive, grow in character, and learn to think. The song "Family Portrait" by Pink was something I would listen to to remind me of where some of my students may be coming from. I tried to be a place of peace and a reflection of the love of Christ (without even speaking His name since I was in the public school system) to these students and their parents.
How does that tie in to foster parenting? "The student" had serious issues. He would get angry and hit his head on the wall. His parents were separated and his father had been in and out of jail. My heart just broke for this kid. I found myself often wondering what he would be like if he wasn't in his home environment. Not that I had any evidence of parental wrong-doing worthy of a call to Child Protective Services, I could just tell things weren't good. I found myself wondering what he would be like if I could take him home for 6 months (not that I had any realistic idea of how to parent back then but that is what I thought). He moved after one semester and other teachers commented to me about how he was so much calmer and enjoyable to be around since being in my class. I tucked that affirmation away in the back of my mind knowing that I saw truth in that and realizing it as a strength in me.
Around 2005 or 2006 I was walking through the hall of my church where they use it as sort of an art gallery to allow people to worship God through artistic expression or the leadership would purposefully display things to inspire or draw us closer to the heart of Jesus. This particular week they had beautiful pictures of students in the adoption system that had been waiting to be adopted. I was reading the descriptions of these children and trying to fathom what it must be like for them. One common statement in each of the descriptions said something along the lines of, "[insert child's name] needs a family with patience and love to handle their special needs." As I read these descriptions their was a stirring within me, that I have come to know as the Holy Spirit, seeming to prompt, "You could do that." I also sort of heard, "Put your money where your mouth is," in regards to me often wondering what students in my class would be like if I took them home. I tried rationalize why that prompting wasn't true but found myself telling my husband of the idea and that it might be something we should pray about. My hubby also discussed with me about how we weren't in the right place in life to do that.
Fast forward a few years to when my husband started to read through the new testament of the Bible focusing only on the words of Jesus. From that experience he was overwhelmed by how often Jesus says to care for the widows and orphans. So he started to say that maybe we should seriously pray about doing something to obey Jesus' words.
At some point I got connected with a foster agency and started to tutor two sisters and their brother. I tutored them while they were in their foster home and for about a year after while they were back with their biological mom. I loved those kids.
My husband and I discussed whether we should just adopt or foster kids instead of having any of our own. We thought, "Why produce more children if there are plenty already around that need homes?" We decided that we want to have atleast one biological child to see what our DNA would create (that was our fun reason). We also wanted to know what that love is that parents experience with a blood of my blood child so that we could know what we would be trying to experience with foster or adopted children.
We welcomed Sarah into our family in July of 2008 after 9 months of talking to her and praying over her in my tummy. I survived one of my biggest life fears . . . childbirth. There were some interesting possible health issues that we dealt with for the first 13 months of her life (if you are curious I documented that on another blog). Around when Sarah turned a year old we started the process of becoming certified as foster parents.
We chose foster parenting instead of adopting because it seemed like while we were looking into the causes involved with orphans many people were willing to adopt but not many liked the idea of needing to give a child back to possibly crappy parents after they had bonded and spent so much energy on a child. We feel like foster kids deserve a loving environment during this confusing and difficult time of their life. We know that these kids will have issues and we will do the best we can to protect Sarah and any other biological kids that we have but we also know that God is good and He loves all these children.
One of my big motivations/realizations as a teacher was that for a whole school year I was a constant in 20 students lives. I had no control of their homelife but I knew that I could possibly be their refuge away from home and a place to thrive, grow in character, and learn to think. The song "Family Portrait" by Pink was something I would listen to to remind me of where some of my students may be coming from. I tried to be a place of peace and a reflection of the love of Christ (without even speaking His name since I was in the public school system) to these students and their parents.
How does that tie in to foster parenting? "The student" had serious issues. He would get angry and hit his head on the wall. His parents were separated and his father had been in and out of jail. My heart just broke for this kid. I found myself often wondering what he would be like if he wasn't in his home environment. Not that I had any evidence of parental wrong-doing worthy of a call to Child Protective Services, I could just tell things weren't good. I found myself wondering what he would be like if I could take him home for 6 months (not that I had any realistic idea of how to parent back then but that is what I thought). He moved after one semester and other teachers commented to me about how he was so much calmer and enjoyable to be around since being in my class. I tucked that affirmation away in the back of my mind knowing that I saw truth in that and realizing it as a strength in me.
Around 2005 or 2006 I was walking through the hall of my church where they use it as sort of an art gallery to allow people to worship God through artistic expression or the leadership would purposefully display things to inspire or draw us closer to the heart of Jesus. This particular week they had beautiful pictures of students in the adoption system that had been waiting to be adopted. I was reading the descriptions of these children and trying to fathom what it must be like for them. One common statement in each of the descriptions said something along the lines of, "[insert child's name] needs a family with patience and love to handle their special needs." As I read these descriptions their was a stirring within me, that I have come to know as the Holy Spirit, seeming to prompt, "You could do that." I also sort of heard, "Put your money where your mouth is," in regards to me often wondering what students in my class would be like if I took them home. I tried rationalize why that prompting wasn't true but found myself telling my husband of the idea and that it might be something we should pray about. My hubby also discussed with me about how we weren't in the right place in life to do that.
Fast forward a few years to when my husband started to read through the new testament of the Bible focusing only on the words of Jesus. From that experience he was overwhelmed by how often Jesus says to care for the widows and orphans. So he started to say that maybe we should seriously pray about doing something to obey Jesus' words.
At some point I got connected with a foster agency and started to tutor two sisters and their brother. I tutored them while they were in their foster home and for about a year after while they were back with their biological mom. I loved those kids.
My husband and I discussed whether we should just adopt or foster kids instead of having any of our own. We thought, "Why produce more children if there are plenty already around that need homes?" We decided that we want to have atleast one biological child to see what our DNA would create (that was our fun reason). We also wanted to know what that love is that parents experience with a blood of my blood child so that we could know what we would be trying to experience with foster or adopted children.
We welcomed Sarah into our family in July of 2008 after 9 months of talking to her and praying over her in my tummy. I survived one of my biggest life fears . . . childbirth. There were some interesting possible health issues that we dealt with for the first 13 months of her life (if you are curious I documented that on another blog). Around when Sarah turned a year old we started the process of becoming certified as foster parents.
We chose foster parenting instead of adopting because it seemed like while we were looking into the causes involved with orphans many people were willing to adopt but not many liked the idea of needing to give a child back to possibly crappy parents after they had bonded and spent so much energy on a child. We feel like foster kids deserve a loving environment during this confusing and difficult time of their life. We know that these kids will have issues and we will do the best we can to protect Sarah and any other biological kids that we have but we also know that God is good and He loves all these children.
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