Not a Word

This weekend's visit was canceled.

We have a Friday routine:
Take JJ to therapy which is halfway to the normal drop-off location.
After therapy, get her Wienerschitzel - 2 plain hotdogs. (Her requested restaurant every week.)
Take her to the park to eat and play until it's time to drop her off with dad. 
Drop-off with dad.

She knows the routine.

Once I turned the car in the wrong direction during the routine and she had a meltdown.

This week, Jonathan met up at therapy on his way home from work.  When therapy was over, he took JJ and I took Sarah so we could do a datenight with each girl (then next parent/daughter datenight we will switch kids).

Jenna didn't and still hasn't said a word about her visit or seeing her parents.

We were expecting a huge meltdown.

Instead,

Not. A. Word.

Nothing.

No mention of parents at all, all weekend.

Oh wait, I take that back, she mentioned her dad when we walked by a place serving beer and she said her dad drank beer.  But other than that, not a word.

Let's Talk About Hair

JJ is a beautiful biracial girl, European and African.  She has kinky hair.  I found a scale that is used by some and based on that scale I think she has 3c hair.  Her curls are tight corkscrews and there is a lot of shrinkage as the hair dries.  The shrinkage can make for some interesting hairstyles.  I've done her hair before visits with her parents and it looks fantastic wet, then when I go to pick her up I'll discover it turned into a whole different fuzzy, bumpy braided look. I've come to love and appreciate the beauty of natural kinky hair.

These pictures were taken right before bed. Her curls had stayed so nice and ringlety.  We try to remember to take out ponytails like this before bed to let her hair relax.  I actually put the rubber band back in to take these pictures.

The few days before she joined our family we were prepared by our foster agency for the importance of caring for JJ's hair and skin.  They said that there have been situations where foster parents have unknowingly fried little boys' and girls' hair.  I started researching kinky hair.  I found the blog Happy Girl Hair which gave me some ideas.

The first night JJ came to be with us, I took her over to a friend of a friend's house to have someone physically show me ways to treat and care for the hair.  I went to Wal-mart on the way home to get some combs, brushes, and hair accessories to help.

Everything seemed easier than it really was when I tried to do it by myself.  The first time trying to wash and detangle her hair it took me 2-3 hours.  I have since come to the understanding that her hair probably hadn't been detangled recently before my efforts.  Also her hair has never even been trimmed during her entire life and the parents don't want it to be trimmed (I tried to respectfully explain split ends and the need for a trim but they weren't going with it).  Those realities teamed up with JJ screaming every time the comb touched her hair made for quite the stressful first experience.

I just kept trying.  I learned that:

• you start combing at the ends of the hair strands in short and slow motions and work your way up to the scalp.
• it helps to section off the hair into layers using clips and do the hair closest to the nape of the neck first. 
• keeping the hair wet is essential.
• having conditioner in the hair is very helpful.  I bought a small spray bottle and squirted some VO5 in and fill the rest with water.
• JJ can react differently during each detangling experience depending on many factors and how she wants to try to control the situation.  She can be totally calm, relaxed, and quiet one time and then the next she might scream that it hurts even when I'm not touching her hair and beg for me to stop.  It's difficult to gauge JJ's scalp sensitivity based on her general lack of honesty and her ability to create the emotions needed to cry.   

I asked her dad during one of the first visits for the usual routine they did.  He said he just used VO5 conditioner and wouldn't wash all of it out.  I happened to notice that VO5 only cost about $0.99 for a bottle and figured even if we need to use a lot that could still be more reasonable than some of the other products I had seen.

The routine that I have found works with JJ's hair:  (Please note that I am not a professional and this seems to me to be working and keeping her hair soft and moisturized.)
We wash her hair every 3-4 days with Luster's Pink conditioning shampoo and condition it with a VO5 moisturizing conditioner.  I don't worry if some of the conditioner isn't fully rinsed.  Then I section off the lower, underneath hair and I twist and clip the rest of her hair up on her head using a hair clip.  I grab a small handful of hair.  I spray the handful of hair with the conditioner spray bottle a few times and then spray with only water until it is wet and slick. I use a wide-toothed comb with a handle and start combing at the ends of the hair strands in short and slow motions and work my way up to the scalp.  Sometimes her hair ends are white with conditioner and I might lightly blot it with a towel but I've discovered when it dries, it is just shiny and soft. I may use a smaller toothed comb to detangle before braiding.

Each morning she wakes with a matted Afro and so I just use the conditioner spray bottle and water and pick out the curls to give it a nice shape again. 

 
For Styling:
I found a small cheap Conair brush with firm bristles that works great for slicking her hair back for ponytails etc.  A rat-tail comb (a comb with the pointy handle) is used for parting and braiding hair.  We use the Scunci large no damage elastic hair bands.  For small braids we use these tiny elastic rubber bands that are basically one-time use because they get so stretched out and usually I cut them out f her hair.  Those tiny bands were given to me the first night from the hair help lady and I just haven't used them all yet.

Sometimes I use a hair gel or oil on her hair depending on the style.  Usually I don't though.

Random picture taken after JJ commented about my forehead wrinkles and that her head doesn't do that.  I've been known to raise my eyebrows a lot with many of my facial expressions. (I had her cover her face some so I could post the pic and protect her identity.  Although she has distinct big, beautiful, brown eyes.)

Always Remember Where They Came From

I love this song.  It helped me form my philosophy behind being a public school teacher. Which also pushed me along in my journey towards foster parenting.

"Family Portrait" sung by Pink.

I Hope It's Not True.

A comment was made.

A hand motion displayed,

all very quickly,

and not part of the normal routine.

I hope it's not true.

A record of the incident was made.

An email was sent.

Emergency responders show up.

Nothing is disclosed.

I hope it's not true.

Parents are upset.

Visitation drop-off changed.

Sheriff is present.

I hope it's not true.

We are new to all this.

We are just doing what we are told.

I guess it is pretty much over now.

I hope it's not true.

Always Pondering - This Time at the Spa

I was treated to a massage and relaxing afternoon lounging at a spa in honor of my mom's birthday.

I have only had a few professional massage experiences in my life-time.  Sometimes I dwell on how intimate (not sexual necessarily) it seems.  "Hi, stranger, let me lay naked under this sheet while you rub my body."  Other times I wonder about my massage therapist and their journey in life that brought them to this job choice.  I wonder about what their weirdest massage experiences have been.  Is it like a hair salon situation where you can talk to your massage therapist and carry on a conversation or must you remain silent to maintain the calming ambiance. My goal was to try not to be so analytical during the massage and just relax and enjoy.

The plan was to use the half hour before my massage to shave my legs (because even though it's summer I was maintaining my mountain woman status).  We arrived later than expected so I did not get to accomplish my goal.  When my massage therapist asked if there were any health concerns or anything she should be aware of, I made her aware of my furry legs.  I figured instead of me feeling awkward I'd just prepare her in advance.  She said it was actually better that I didn't shave because she uses so much lotion and it could irritate freshly shaved skin.

After the massage my mom, sister, and I were discussing our experiences and I happened to mention that I didn't remember my bum getting quite the rub down in the past as it did this time.  Apparently my bum was the only one that received such attention.  Well, we'll just leave it at that then.  

This particular spa is great because in the ladies area you can go in the jacuzzi, steam room, sauna, quiet room, and most everything is provided for you.

When I go, I wear a bathing suit, usually a two-piece.  Some ladies walk around naked.  I've contemplated doing the naked thing.  I think I have issues with the lack of barrier between pubic hair and spa water.

We were all enjoying the calm atmosphere wandering around choosing different places to relax.  I think it's fine if a person chooses to be naked at the spa.  I just have issues with how to interact.  Do I completely ignore the naked people?  They are just people, they just happen to have no clothes on.  Most of the naked people avoided eye contact or I wondered if they thought my usual friendly smile and nod acknowledgment was awkward because they were naked.

Why does it matter that they were naked?  Does it matter?  I felt no jealousy.  I wasn't critically comparing.  I found us quite beautiful in an artistic sense, like the curve of our hips.  Our bodies also give clues about our lives and what we value.  I found it difficult not to sneak peeks at people.  I was curious about tattoos, breast implant scars, different types of bikini waxes, and why each person wanted to escape to the spa.

I ended my spa stay by reading and falling asleep in the quiet room where robes are required.


Happy Birthday, Mom!