I was the first of my friends to get married. We got married young. It was right for us. We knew we wanted to commit to each other, so why wait?
As I get older, I've watched friends get married. I've also watched helplessly as friends' marriages have crumbled. As my friend was saying tonight, "We have no idea what others' marriages really look like because we aren't there experiencing it with them. Even the people in the marriage have differing views of the relationship."
I've listened to too many people recently talk about how unhappy they are in their marriages. It breaks my heart.
Jonathan and I aren't perfect. No one is perfect. Marriage involves two broken people vowing before God to commit their lives to loving the other person through all the brokenness, pain, hurt, and crap that will happen.
Knowing that we won't always agree.
Knowing that we won't always like what the other person chooses to do or say.
Knowing that we will make mistakes.
Knowing that we will still sin.
Knowing that our bodies will not stay the same.
Knowing that we won't always be in the mood.
Knowing that it will take effort to be able to live happily ever after.
Knowing the person you marry will have the potential (and probably will) hurt us more than anyone else in this world because we are that close.
Knowing all these things and still choosing to fight for the oneness that God created marriage to be.
Through intimacy with another person, like intimacy with God, our weaknesses are revealed. Our imperfections and sin can become obvious. Our need for something greater than just ourselves and our selfish desires becomes evident.
I believe Jesus came to redeem. In Him there is hope. He is a God of miracles. We all need the miraculous to overcome ourselves and our selfishness.
I want a great marriage. I'm choosing to fight for it. Even when things seem good, we still work at it. We stay on-guard knowing things can seem to crumble quickly.
Fight for it.
We get lost in ourselves and miss the joy that comes from true intimacy.
It's worth the peace.
It's worth the understanding.
It's worth the fun.
It's worth the giggles.
It's worth the pleasure.
It's worth the trust.
It's worth the respect.
It's worth the love.
It's worth the commitment.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
"I Suck!"
I realize when I say things often because Sarah starts to say them. So when I started hearing Sarah say, "Sucks!" I became more aware of this word slipping out of my mouth. I then realized how often I say "I suck." How sad, I don't want Sarah to think/say that about herself. Um . . . so do I really think that about myself? If I'm saying that to myself, I must mean it, right? I'm not perfect, I know that, but do I really think I suck? I do not suck. I make sucky choices but I do not suck.
I am redeemed.
I am a daughter of The King.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am God's workmanship.
I need to start seeing myself as God sees me. I need to stop the lie that I suck from perpetuating itself in my attitude throughout the day. I don't want that to be something I pass on to my daughters.
When I started to combat that lie, I seemed to accomplish more. I found myself handling life more peacefully and joyfully again.
Once again, I find freedom in truth.
I am redeemed.
I am a daughter of The King.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am God's workmanship.
I need to start seeing myself as God sees me. I need to stop the lie that I suck from perpetuating itself in my attitude throughout the day. I don't want that to be something I pass on to my daughters.
When I started to combat that lie, I seemed to accomplish more. I found myself handling life more peacefully and joyfully again.
Once again, I find freedom in truth.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
JJ - the Pretend One
So JJ left in November 2010. JJ was with us for 7 months. Sarah was 2 and 4 months when JJ left. Sarah has a good memory . . . like freakishly good. People say that kids her age don't remember things for very long, but Sarah does.
After JJ left, Sarah went through some interesting stages of handling things. Since I was pregnant we tried to transition Sarah into the idea that she was now going to be the big sister. We needed to move her into the big twin bed where JJ had slept. She liked this. I think having JJ made it easier for Sarah to accept having a new baby come into the house because she had already gone through the change of adding someone to our family.
The most sad thing that Sarah started to verbalize during play time was the concept that someone would have a birthday party and then leave to live with Nancy. For about a week I would overhear her telling her dollies this. I brought it up to my hubby and he realized the connection between the going away party that we threw for JJ and then the next day JJ left to live with Nancy. He asked Sarah about this and we came to realize that she thought after her birthday she would be moving away, like that is just what happens. We had to remind her why JJ had lived with us and why JJ had to leave to live with Nancy. As Sarah's vocabulary builds she is able to bring things up and ask questions about JJ.
It is September and JJ still lives on in our household. Ever since JJ left, Sarah has called all her dollies JJ. Sarah also has a sister or sometimes friend named JJ. This JJ is the pretend one, not the real one, although the pretend one looks just like the real one. At certain stores Sarah insists on using the shopping carts with the attached seats and I can't forget to buckle in JJ. Sarah will also introduce JJ to people in grocery stores that talk to Sarah in the checkout lane. Sarah will make sure that they are not rude to JJ by answering the strangers' questions with JJ's answers also. During these times I can tend to get a little teary eyed because of how much Sarah misses JJ. Also there is something in the fact that the strangers have no idea the depth of what that simple name means to Sarah. It's not just an imaginary friend, there is so much more in that and I won't ever truly know the depths of how it affected Sarah.
Some people play along with Sarah. On July 31 I took Sarah to Boomers because she had a free pass for her birthday. I didn't think to ask anyone to join us because it felt weird to ask someone to pay just to keep Sarah company while we did everything for free. When she got on the first ride, which was a train, she proceeded to try to buckle in JJ and in the process confused the high school-aged ride attendant. I tried to quietly explain what Sarah was doing. After that the ride attendant would remember to strap in JJ for Sarah so she could focus on strapping herself in.
We just go along with it whenever Sarah brings up that JJ is there. Out of curiosity a family member asked her who JJ was and Sarah replied, "She was my big sister and she peed her pants a lot." JJ will always hold a special place in our hearts but I'm just wondering how long the pretend one will be with us. When will Sarah's memories of JJ fade and what should we help her remember?
After JJ left, Sarah went through some interesting stages of handling things. Since I was pregnant we tried to transition Sarah into the idea that she was now going to be the big sister. We needed to move her into the big twin bed where JJ had slept. She liked this. I think having JJ made it easier for Sarah to accept having a new baby come into the house because she had already gone through the change of adding someone to our family.
The most sad thing that Sarah started to verbalize during play time was the concept that someone would have a birthday party and then leave to live with Nancy. For about a week I would overhear her telling her dollies this. I brought it up to my hubby and he realized the connection between the going away party that we threw for JJ and then the next day JJ left to live with Nancy. He asked Sarah about this and we came to realize that she thought after her birthday she would be moving away, like that is just what happens. We had to remind her why JJ had lived with us and why JJ had to leave to live with Nancy. As Sarah's vocabulary builds she is able to bring things up and ask questions about JJ.
It is September and JJ still lives on in our household. Ever since JJ left, Sarah has called all her dollies JJ. Sarah also has a sister or sometimes friend named JJ. This JJ is the pretend one, not the real one, although the pretend one looks just like the real one. At certain stores Sarah insists on using the shopping carts with the attached seats and I can't forget to buckle in JJ. Sarah will also introduce JJ to people in grocery stores that talk to Sarah in the checkout lane. Sarah will make sure that they are not rude to JJ by answering the strangers' questions with JJ's answers also. During these times I can tend to get a little teary eyed because of how much Sarah misses JJ. Also there is something in the fact that the strangers have no idea the depth of what that simple name means to Sarah. It's not just an imaginary friend, there is so much more in that and I won't ever truly know the depths of how it affected Sarah.
Some people play along with Sarah. On July 31 I took Sarah to Boomers because she had a free pass for her birthday. I didn't think to ask anyone to join us because it felt weird to ask someone to pay just to keep Sarah company while we did everything for free. When she got on the first ride, which was a train, she proceeded to try to buckle in JJ and in the process confused the high school-aged ride attendant. I tried to quietly explain what Sarah was doing. After that the ride attendant would remember to strap in JJ for Sarah so she could focus on strapping herself in.
We just go along with it whenever Sarah brings up that JJ is there. Out of curiosity a family member asked her who JJ was and Sarah replied, "She was my big sister and she peed her pants a lot." JJ will always hold a special place in our hearts but I'm just wondering how long the pretend one will be with us. When will Sarah's memories of JJ fade and what should we help her remember?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Just Another Day . . .
I've had a playdate outing planned for about three weeks. I really wanted to get together with this mommy who had purchased the same Pump-It-Up GroupOn passes that I had. The previous night I invited a mommy from life group to join us to play and I took out my wallet to give her a pass.
This morning seemed fine. I fed Poema and seemed to be getting ready at a good pace. I needed to give Poema her medicine, change her diaper, pack a lunch, and make sure Sarah was all ready. Sarah is 3 now. She likes to do her own thing, which is my nice way of saying she chooses not to listen often lately. I changed Poema's diaper and then did medicine. She was content watching the mobile as I brushed Sarah's teeth and hair. Poema was so relaxed that she loaded her diaper again. I was finally able to finish packing the lunch but by that time I was already 18 minutes late.
I'm always late. I feel inept at getting out the door on time. It feels like no matter what I do, some variable will throw me off and I will be late.
The location of the playdate would take 3-10 minutes to get to depending on traffic lights. We walk down the stairs to the car and as the automatic sliding doors of the van open I notice that Poema's carseat is not in the car. Until this point I had forgotten that I transferred the carseat into Jonathan's car the night before when he was watching only Poema and I was taking Sarah on a Mommy/Sarah date.
I called the ladies to let them know I was stuck home. My life group friend said she had an infant carseat and was not yet at Pump-It-Up so she could get it from storage and bring it to my house. She arrived at my place and installed the carseat. Poema normally screams bloody murder in her carseat and she was quite happy as I strapped her in. I leaned in to give her a kiss as I finished tightening everything. As I pulled away I noticed a spider crawling down the carseat towards Poema. I bare-handed squashed it and protected my child :~).
We proceeded to drive to our playdate and were only an hour late. As I went to get the girls out of the car I realized I left my wallet at home because I never put it back where it belonged after giving the pass to my life group friend. I left Sarah with my friend and drove back to get my wallet. I returned 20 minutes later with the wallet that had Sarah's entrance pass.
The playdate was fun.
Before we left I opened all the car doors and windows so there would be a breeze as I changed Poema's diaper in the backseat of the van. As I went in reverse after everyone was all buckled in, I noticed that the door ajar symbol was lit up on my dashboard. I tried to close the two front doors and I realized I was starting to drive away with the back hatch open on the car. I was surprised that nothing fell out as I had started to drive.
How do people survive with lots of children. This is insane. I'd like to say that these types of things are not normal but I'm starting to notice how frequently these things tend to occur. *Sigh*
Tomorrow is another day . . .
This morning seemed fine. I fed Poema and seemed to be getting ready at a good pace. I needed to give Poema her medicine, change her diaper, pack a lunch, and make sure Sarah was all ready. Sarah is 3 now. She likes to do her own thing, which is my nice way of saying she chooses not to listen often lately. I changed Poema's diaper and then did medicine. She was content watching the mobile as I brushed Sarah's teeth and hair. Poema was so relaxed that she loaded her diaper again. I was finally able to finish packing the lunch but by that time I was already 18 minutes late.
I'm always late. I feel inept at getting out the door on time. It feels like no matter what I do, some variable will throw me off and I will be late.
The location of the playdate would take 3-10 minutes to get to depending on traffic lights. We walk down the stairs to the car and as the automatic sliding doors of the van open I notice that Poema's carseat is not in the car. Until this point I had forgotten that I transferred the carseat into Jonathan's car the night before when he was watching only Poema and I was taking Sarah on a Mommy/Sarah date.
I called the ladies to let them know I was stuck home. My life group friend said she had an infant carseat and was not yet at Pump-It-Up so she could get it from storage and bring it to my house. She arrived at my place and installed the carseat. Poema normally screams bloody murder in her carseat and she was quite happy as I strapped her in. I leaned in to give her a kiss as I finished tightening everything. As I pulled away I noticed a spider crawling down the carseat towards Poema. I bare-handed squashed it and protected my child :~).
We proceeded to drive to our playdate and were only an hour late. As I went to get the girls out of the car I realized I left my wallet at home because I never put it back where it belonged after giving the pass to my life group friend. I left Sarah with my friend and drove back to get my wallet. I returned 20 minutes later with the wallet that had Sarah's entrance pass.
The playdate was fun.
Before we left I opened all the car doors and windows so there would be a breeze as I changed Poema's diaper in the backseat of the van. As I went in reverse after everyone was all buckled in, I noticed that the door ajar symbol was lit up on my dashboard. I tried to close the two front doors and I realized I was starting to drive away with the back hatch open on the car. I was surprised that nothing fell out as I had started to drive.
How do people survive with lots of children. This is insane. I'd like to say that these types of things are not normal but I'm starting to notice how frequently these things tend to occur. *Sigh*
Tomorrow is another day . . .
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