So JJ left in November 2010. JJ was with us for 7 months. Sarah was 2 and 4 months when JJ left. Sarah has a good memory . . . like freakishly good. People say that kids her age don't remember things for very long, but Sarah does.
After JJ left, Sarah went through some interesting stages of handling things. Since I was pregnant we tried to transition Sarah into the idea that she was now going to be the big sister. We needed to move her into the big twin bed where JJ had slept. She liked this. I think having JJ made it easier for Sarah to accept having a new baby come into the house because she had already gone through the change of adding someone to our family.
The most sad thing that Sarah started to verbalize during play time was the concept that someone would have a birthday party and then leave to live with Nancy. For about a week I would overhear her telling her dollies this. I brought it up to my hubby and he realized the connection between the going away party that we threw for JJ and then the next day JJ left to live with Nancy. He asked Sarah about this and we came to realize that she thought after her birthday she would be moving away, like that is just what happens. We had to remind her why JJ had lived with us and why JJ had to leave to live with Nancy. As Sarah's vocabulary builds she is able to bring things up and ask questions about JJ.
It is September and JJ still lives on in our household. Ever since JJ left, Sarah has called all her dollies JJ. Sarah also has a sister or sometimes friend named JJ. This JJ is the pretend one, not the real one, although the pretend one looks just like the real one. At certain stores Sarah insists on using the shopping carts with the attached seats and I can't forget to buckle in JJ. Sarah will also introduce JJ to people in grocery stores that talk to Sarah in the checkout lane. Sarah will make sure that they are not rude to JJ by answering the strangers' questions with JJ's answers also. During these times I can tend to get a little teary eyed because of how much Sarah misses JJ. Also there is something in the fact that the strangers have no idea the depth of what that simple name means to Sarah. It's not just an imaginary friend, there is so much more in that and I won't ever truly know the depths of how it affected Sarah.
Some people play along with Sarah. On July 31 I took Sarah to Boomers because she had a free pass for her birthday. I didn't think to ask anyone to join us because it felt weird to ask someone to pay just to keep Sarah company while we did everything for free. When she got on the first ride, which was a train, she proceeded to try to buckle in JJ and in the process confused the high school-aged ride attendant. I tried to quietly explain what Sarah was doing. After that the ride attendant would remember to strap in JJ for Sarah so she could focus on strapping herself in.
We just go along with it whenever Sarah brings up that JJ is there. Out of curiosity a family member asked her who JJ was and Sarah replied, "She was my big sister and she peed her pants a lot." JJ will always hold a special place in our hearts but I'm just wondering how long the pretend one will be with us. When will Sarah's memories of JJ fade and what should we help her remember?
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